Takeaway 1: Emotion Coaching

 

    The first takeaway I learned in Parenting Skills is emotional coaching. What is emotion coaching? Emotion coaching is a supportive approach to interpersonal communication between a child and a parent (Gottman & Gottman, 2012). Emotion coaching focuses on recognizing and validating a child's emotions. It also involves coaching, or teaching, a child about their emotions. Emotional coaching is a gesture of love and respect.

    As I reflected on the things I have learned about emotion coaching, I thought about my parents. I was raised by emotion-coaching parents. My parents helped me to understand my emotions. Similarly, they helped me to formulate my big emotions into words. They validated my feelings. They allowed me to feel my emotions. They listened to me. I am grateful for my emotion-coaching parents.

    Like my parents, I hope to become an emotion-coaching parent as well. I learned a lot about emotion coaching, and I hope to implement the things I gained into my parenting when I have children one day. I learned that I should not shut off my children when they are expressing their emotions. Children need to understand their feelings. They need to know why they are feeling the way they are. Small, developing children do not understand their emotions. They are too young to understand their physiological state. On the same note, they are too young to put their emotions into words. Therefore, as a parent, it is my responsibility to help them understand. By the same token, I have to help them distinguish between different kinds of emotions.

    Studies have shown that emotion coaching provides children with the encouragement and guidance they need to have healthy relationships, academic success, and emotional intelligence in the future (Gottman, 2009). Emotion coaching enhances children's emotional awareness and expression. Emotion coaching helps children develop a greater awareness of their emotions. Therefore, they can express their emotions effectively. This leads to emotional intelligence because they understand their emotions. They can effectively communicate their emotions and feelings. Emotional intelligence leads to academic success as well. Academic learning can create stress and frustration in children. As children are better at understanding their emotions, they can manage their stress levels. They can better understand the source of their stress and better cope with their academic pressures. 

   I found an article that strongly emphasized the importance of emotion coaching. Rany stated the benefits of emotion coaching. Emotional coaching increases a child's emotional stability, resilience, and academic success. Thus, the skills learned through emotional coaching can be used to help children establish positive relationships and improve communication skills (Rany, 2022). There is power in emotion coaching. There are long-lasting effects of emotion coaching.

    To me, emotional coaching looks something like this:

           1) Acknowledge and be aware of your child's emotions

           2) Label the emotion

           3) Validate the emotion

           4) Teach your child to problem-solve

    The first step is to be aware and acknowledge your child's emotions. You have to be attentive and supportive. You have to observe your child. Next, it is vital to name the emotion. This is significant because it will put a label on your child's emotions. Therefore, your child will understand, "I am feeling angry." Also, it will help your child to understand the different kinds of emotions. Then, you have to validate your child's emotions. You can validate their feelings by actively listening to them without judgment. You can also empathize with them. You can also normalize their emotions by allowing them to feel their emotions. Lastly, you can validate their emotions by supporting and comforting them. Lastly, the last step is to teach your child to problem-solve. You can help your child to problem-solve by identifying emotional triggers. You can help your child to find helpful coping mechanisms. I believe these are profound four steps to emotion coaching. These simple yet effective steps will help children to identify their emotions and learn to navigate with their emotions. As a result, children will feel heard and validated.

    As part of emotion coaching, I have also learned the importance of creating a safe environment for children to express their emotions. Children need to feel safe in order to effectively communicate their feelings. By creating a safe environment for children, it fosters trust, honesty, and open communication.

    Another important takeaway I gained from emotion coaching is I have to role-model emotion coaching. It begins with me. I have to first understand my emotions, feelings, and thoughts. I need to allow myself to feel my emotions. I cannot shut down my emotions. I cannot ignore my feelings and go numb. I need to learn how to cope with my big emotions. I need to validate my own emotions. Likewise, I need to understand my emotional triggers. I need to be kind to myself and my emotions. It starts with me before I can teach emotion coaching effectively to my children in the future.

Resources

Gottman, J. (2009, November 14). Emotional health | dr. John Gottman | relationship advice. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmsDTT3xgjo

Gottman, J., & Gottman, J. (2012, April 18). Dr. John Gottman & dr. Julie Gottman discuss tools for parenting with emotion coaching. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3uPPEtyX_I

Rany, J. (2022, October 20). The power of emotional coaching: Why it matters. LinkedIn. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/power-emotional-coaching-why-matters-jason-rany#:~:text=Emotion%20coaching%20has%20been%20shown,relationships%20and%20improve%20communication%20skills.